So most recently I was the victim of an intervention (no it wasn’t about drugs, or alcohol, or anything even remotely fancy and for the sake of my street cred I’m just going to skid over the specifics OK) and it seriously got me thinking, what’s the matter with this planet that people refuse to accept that sometimes we just have one of those days, when things aren’t going our way and you know what always makes us feel better? A hug. (You bet your ass it’s not a stinky intervention.) So today’s episode of *this week on Terver* is dedicated to all the movie characters across different planets who really truly needed a hug, but probably would have to make do with a cyber-hug.
Phil has spent his entire life training wannabe heroes that never quite make it to celebrity status (until good ol’ Herc comes along, of course). He also has a propensity for getting kicked, stepped on, smushed, and otherwise violently hurt on a daily basis.
9. Mr. Banks
All of his life choices have just been called into question. By a chimney sweep. (Shout out to Dick Van Dyke. We’d take our life advice from you any day.)
8. Jack Sparrow
His ship is gone. Damn. Somebody give this brother a hug.
7. Drizella and Anastasia
Cinderella gets Prince Charming and a cushy new life at the Palace. These two get to continue living with their mother.
6. Flynn Rider
Poor Flynn. They just can’t get his nose right.
Abu is used to seeing himself as a monkey. If we looked at our reflection only to find an elephant staring back, we would be totally freaked out too. We feel you, Abu.
Gaston just told the entire village that Maurice is crazy, meanwhile Maurice is the only one who knows that Belle is locked in the Beast’s tower! This one is kind of a tear-jerker. We believe you, Maurice!
3. Captain Hook
Can you imagine what your quality of life would be if you were terrified every time you heard the tic tock of a clock? We probably wouldn’t take our frustration out on little kids, but still.
2. The Queen of Hearts’ Guards
Not only are their uniforms ridiculous and completely impractical, but they seriously have to paint every rose in Wonderland red. Seriously. every. single. one.
Zazu puts up with a lot, guys: Simba’s attitude, getting stomped on by various other (larger) animals, almost getting eaten, having to sing “I’ve got a tumbling block of coconuts”…we could go on. Please. Someone. Give this bird a hug. And a retirement plan.
1. Santa Claus from The Nightmare Before Christmas
We think landing in Halloween Town without any warning would be pretty traumatic for anyone, but it must’ve been even more so for Santa. He’s from Christmas Town where literally the scariest thing is the potential for indigestion from eating too many pies and sweets. Talk about culture shock.
2. Chef Louis
Outsmarted repeatedly by a crab during your big song. Unfortunate.
3. Pepe the King Prawn
How many times does he have to tell you? He’s not a shrimp, he’s a king prawn, okay?
Do we really have to elaborate? Dude is perpetually grumpy.
And there you have it folks. What’s the moral lesson you might ask? Hugs. You’re not Sheldon Cooper. Hugs is the lesson.